2005: The Year in Weird

As we look back through the year in sex, we’re reminded of one simple rule: guys will do anything with their dicks, given the right inspiration. Hark back with us through some of the more odd headlines from 2005:

Idaho Boy Becums Betty Cocker
Hey, that’s not frosting! In an act of biological revenge for having his cheese sandwich slathered with peanut butter, an Idaho kid jerked off onto a pan of brownies and somehow got his friends to eat them. He was charged with disturbing the peace for something every Boy Scout in America is now trying to pull off.

Monogamy with Ranch Dressing
Sex with veal gets off Harold Hart. But the 63-year-old Wisconsin man does have a conscience, dammit. According to arresting police who took his statement, Hart stopped by a certain farm more than 50 times to fuck baby cows-but never did it while he was married or with a girlfriend. Because that would be just wrong.

Double-bagging Gone Awry
An Iowa Wal-Mart greeter gave customers a little lagniappe when he handed out pictures of himself naked, save for a Wal-Mart bag strapped to his Tom Johnson. Dean Wooten said it was all a joke, sir—he was only lampooning the company’s supposed “new uniforms.” Told by bosses to stop, he kept on flashing by proxy–and got canned. On the upside, he was able to walk out with his dignity intact, having lost it by taking the job in the first place.