You need to know things about your penis and other boys’ penises and buttholes. But you’re not going to learn it from the heteros, are you? You’ll thank your gay Buddha that Sex-Project.com in out there in the etherweb. The wordy little site lays it all on the line, with verbose hints on a laundry list of techniques that will get you a second booty call.

There’s tips on giving head — “The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the slightest idea of how to suck cock. Most seem to think that simply by making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man’s penis, and bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically makes them expert cocksuckers. Au contraire!”–and fun quotes from celebs on sex: “It’s the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time,” the immortal Tallulah Bankhead once said. Circumcision, positions, toys, the gay double standard, anal…it’s all in how-to guides and forum discussions, ready for you to digest. Now get sucking!

Sex-Project.com: Further Your Understanding

Sex stores get hassled even in major cities–which is why Waybig’s happy to read that Adam & Eve, our favorite source of leather whips, see-through dildos, man-on-man fuck videos and free catalogs shipped in discreet brown-paper envelopes, has been named by Orange County (N.C.)’s business of the year. The sex-toy company, also known as PHE Inc., is one of the top taxpayers in the county, a suburb of the Chapel Hill-Durham area, and contributes to local animal shelters and family violence prevention centers along with selling some of the area’s finest buttplugs.

Even though the business has been picketed by religious groups over its products–which also include sugar-free lube for diabetic fuckbuddies–it’s more than welcome in the Triangle area of North Carolina so long as they don’t talk too much about what they do. Chamber president Robbin Taylor-Hall admits “we don’t look at some of the items they sell.” Uh, sure you don’t.

Adam & Eve [Straight]

AdamMale [Gay]

Public sex in parks, parking lots, restrooms and the like is definitely a gay thing. And the straights don’t like it–which is why they send in the cops to bust our favorite play places. And that, buttfuckers, is why CruisingForSex has maintained one of the most vitally important pages on the Web–the Heads Up! Page where you can find out the latest on where stings might catch you with your pants down. Here you’ll find peer-to-peer networking of the cautionary kind, like the reader alert from Hawaii’s Honokohau Beach: “You don’t want to use this beach for nude sunbathing or cruising. There are signs everywhere warning how they’ll arrest and fine you for nudity, with a mandatory court appearance. It’s sad, but aside from all that bullshit about ‘aloha’ and hippie culture, Hawaii is extremely puritanical about nudity and sex.” Or the recent advice that due to city boundaries changing, one of Atlanta’s great glory hole scenes has literally dried up. “TV and print news reported today that all booths/arcades in Inserection and Love Shack stores [in suburban Roswell] will be removed effective January 1, 2006.” Don’t say you weren’t warned!

Don’t get caught: CruisingForSex.com – Heads Up!

VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club may go down in history as the one reality show where no one wants to go down on any contestants – at least not in weigh-in form. The show takes D-listers and makes them lose weight, and in this year’s installment, the show is literally heavy with gay talent. Hm, is talent the word for Chastity Bono and Bruce Vilanch? Cher’s daughter checks in at more than 200 pounds, while the lovely and talented he-man Vilanch tips the scales at 315 pounds. VH1 promises we’ll see the gay stars — along with Taxi’s Jeff Conaway, Tempestt Bledsoe (nee Cosby) and Young MC (can he still bust a move?) — try to jump hurdles, stay on a diet and subject themselves to the ultimate horror of seeing themselves on VH1. You just know you’ll be seeing manboobies every time you turn on the TiVo.

We’re not sure if it’s funded by a sinister cabal of companies who want you to buy their penis-extending devices and pills–or if there’s some cockhound with mad HTML skilz and a yen for blogging about dicks aplenty. But what we do like about AltPenis.com is that we found the answers to a bunch of questions we had. Like, how do you take a piss when your cock’s in traction? What pills do you take for a longer penis? (Zinc, vitamin E and saw palmetto, it turns out.) Are anabolic steroids addictive? (Sure are!) Read along regularly with Paul’s Penis Ponderings–like this week’s blog about putting your John Thomas in places it doesn’t belong, like the vacuum–or just get the latest info on erectile dysfunction, STDs, or penis conditions. You’ll come for the penises; you’ll stay, well, for the penises.

Get sprung: http://www.altpenis.com/

If you’re reading this at home with the door locked and the curtains closed, you’re either not out yet or you’re in the Bible Belt. (Or maybe you’re Ricky Martin.) You’re looking for a way to break out of your straight jacket–and you’re looking for the right place to debut your all-out, cock-loving, fully self-actualized homoman self.

Good thing for you there’s a useful travel guide on PlanetOut this week. The gay megaportal picked the best bars that help you transition from sports-swilling straight boy to diva-loving dickhound. Their choices, the editors say, are places that are “particularly welcoming for newly-minted queers.” Making the cut: Chicago’s Roscoe’s, New Orleans’ Bourbon Pub (home of the $500 lap dance, in our experience) and Atlanta’s Bulldogs, where men of all races come to vet out all the stereotypes about penis size and top/bottom preferences. There’s no Faultline or Eagle to be found; the message being, we guess, to leave those places to the pros.

Like a virgin: A first-timer’s guide to great “coming-out” bars [Planetout.com]

Porno dicks are chosen for their star quality. But what’s it like out there in the field, where non-huge, non-pretty cocks are potentially lying in wait under a nice pair of Calvin briefs?

You need to be prepared–and you might know what to expect after you study up at ErectionPhotos.com, the Kinseyesque site that attempts to document diversity among schlongs. It’s something akin to a field guide to penises, not always the best-looking ones but certainly more representative than the average Hot House or Raging Stallion meat swinging at your face from the DVD.

“This site tries to give reality to all the diversity that gets compressed into the concept of the ‘average penile erection,'” the authors say. And while most of the content is mainstream dick, there are some frightening ends of the bell curve here: a barely visible prick 1.5 inches long soft, all the way up to 9 inches hard. And along with the vaguely creepy clinical observations, soft-hard comparison shots, and senior cock shots, there are some unintentionally hilarious animated cock motion shots–and a whole page of discussions about implants and corresponding pictures of dicks so tiny they have their own subdivision in Oz.

Size queens and pretty-dick discriminators beware–don’t say you haven’t been warned.

ErectionPhotos.com [Source ThePeculiarOne]

Maybe your city’s one of those with its own Craiglist page–and maybe you’ve bought a cell phone off it, found a job on it, or laughed at some asshat’s M4W missed connection there.

But when it comes to Fridays, we know what you’re looking at. For some reason, the Web site’s spawned “Flash Fridays,” a random-acts-of-porno online gathering that you definitely won’t find on other city Web pages. And while Flash Fridays may have started out with large-titted women, we’ve noticed the number of hung, fun guys coming out for FF is growing–and not just those guys who are advertising “for ladies only.”

All you have to do is check in at Craigslist in your city, send in a picture and activate it by confirming an email. Now, some cities don’t get into the exhibitionism so much. Houston has a problem, San Diego earns its “Blandiego” nickname and Chicago refuses to give up some of its hottest. But Atlanta keeps it hot, New York checks in with some hot Latino guys each week, and D.C. kicks in for the bi guys in sometimes staggering amounts.

A word of warning: while Craigslisters are a notoriously open-minded bunch, they’re equally opinionated. And fast typers, too. Sport a small schlong and send it in and you might get flamed like the poor bastard in D.C. who got this: “What the hell is going on? We LOOOOOOOOOVe seeing the pics of the beautiful penises, but the last few dick pics have been pretty pathetic. If your penis is fair to middling or below…..DON’T BOTHER. Nobody wants to see your itty bitty pee pee. Let’s get back on track here fellas. I really enjoy seeing the amazingly large and gorgeous penis pics. No more itty bittys please.”

List your lizard:
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/rnr/120178765.html

“For ladies only”
http://atlanta.craigslist.org/rnr/120140204.html

When flash Friday goes wrong:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/120106578.html

Hot enough to show only half-naked:
http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/120094376.html

What is it about firemen? The savior iconography? The selfless devotion to society? Or is it hot, huge hoses that can barely control their spray? We’re guessing the latter reason is why Yahoo! Groups has a whole area devoted to firemen. The Firemen Rule! Group lets users share stories and pics of their favorite hot guys: the founder says the group “is aimed at a gay male audience…dedicated to sharing images of firefighters, preferably undressed, but hot shots of male firemen in gear, or models in firefighter gear are welcomed as well.” We’re so there, for all the shots borrowed from the New York Firefighters calendars, amateur shots, and some guys who are only firefighters for pay in porno stills and Colt captures.

Burning love: Groups.Yahoo.com

They call them hardcovers because that’s what happens to your bedspread after you read one of Bruno Gmunder’s photo books. This year we expect cum-starched linens again along with a copy of HOT: The Men of Hot House under our tree.

The bound book covers twelve years’ worth of nakedness, 150 photos in all with all your friends from the online realm and the DVD world: Alex Collack and his big friend, muy caliente Alex Fuerte, the impish Dick Wolf, and the all-time tag trio of Shane Rollins, Arpad Miklos and Kent Larson. A steal at $39.95, dry cleaning not included.

The Men of Hot House [Hothouse.com]

Dudes Pissing comes to us via The Peculiar One. This site touts over 240 pictures, and 20 clips of dudes relieving their bladders. If URINE to guys pissing than this site has everything you’d ever want. And we saved the best part for last; It’s free!

Dudes Pissing …Welcome

You really can find anything in New York City, including “naked gay men exploring Tantra” in their Hot Nude Yoga class. Check out the hotnudeyoga.com blog for the latest news and information on how to pay to have your ass touched while stretching by a man who is probably not a prostitute.

If you don’t live in New York, or the idea of doing the “child’s pose” with a bunch of other naked homos makes you uncomfortable, you can just watch this preview video at home and “participate” in your own way. (via Naked City Boys)

New Orleans is finally starting to shake off the effects of Hurricane Katrina. So while you make your plans for the biggest, best Mardi Gras in history next February, take a look back at the festivities from the Eighties and Nineties through the lens of boyTV, a renegade Web-only archive now up at TonyHayden.com, that “weekly ME-ality series” blog we adore (you know, the one with the hot stud at the helm.) Tony’s friend, the delicious host Thomas Hauser, took boyTV to Mardi Gras to capture the gay and hetero abandon that revelers used to crank to legendary heights.

Over the course of the first ten-chapter flick, you’ll watch the requisite Atlanta boys in their underwear, drag queens in evening wear, and everyone else a little worse for wear after days of nonstop partying. The beads only grow in numbers as the outrageous outfits get more complex: Michael the Archangel is our hunky favorite, but you have to be amazed by the bitch who built an entire Creole townhouse on her head, complete with Barbies showing their tits.

There’s lots of grainy, lowbrow footage with aerobicized asses, wieners of epic proportions and of course, the oddly charming David Spade-like host. And at the end, maybe you too will have a tear in your eye for what’s happened since to the City that Care Forgot. Watch it all, then click over to MardiGras.com and make sure you sign up for your patriotic duty to life, liberty and the pursuit of beads.

BOYTV AND MARDI GRAS [TonyHayden.com]

Last week we told you about the hesitation for porno providers to latch on to the trick new Apple iPod Video. But all isn’t lost for cockhounds on the go: Colt is one of the first gay studios to churn out high-quality, small-screen clips for your portable player. As the nifties over at Fleshbot point out, the videos have blurry genitals — that’s to keep videos from the hands of teen queers who don’t make the 18-year-old cutoff for X-rated material — and the videos are merely previews for the heavily muscled full-length features we were practically raised on. (Raised in one way or another). But the future has never looked better for iPorn — or hotter, or hairier. Available preview vids include this year’s crop: Wide Strokes, Leather Bound and Muscle Up!–all of which will be the titles of songs for our all-boy band one day, we swear.

Colt iPod: New Movies

Rubdowns are one of the great gay pleasures in life. You get to lie face down without judgment, have a hunky dude — possibly “straight” — grease you up like the centerpiece at a NAMBLA holiday dinner and let him rub on you until he’s sweaty and exhausted. Who needs cum? But finding a legitimate masseur can be time-consuming and — oops! — dollar-consuming, if you realize at the end of the hour he’s long been planning your happy ending.

For our money, there are two places to go in a strange city when you’re in need of a rubdown without leaving a long white trail behind. Our favorite place? Massage M4M, which lets you choose by city, and offers up mini-reviews from clients as well as plenty of information should you change your mind about that whole ejaculation thing. Their listings are fairly widespread, include lots of good-looking guys with good credentials, and offer click-throughs from the homepage to major cities.

Then there’s Masseur.net, a long-live site that’s only gotten more cantankerous with age. It’s a kludgy, frames-based site with lots of dead links for masseurs who probably have gone legit and back long ago. But many links are still active, the guys offer a wide range of massage and holistic services, and the listings are pretty widespread across the country.

Of course, if all you want is a major wad job, there’s always Men4RentNow. Don’t say we didn’t warn you when the bill comes due.

Click for your rub job:

http://www.massagem4m.com/

http://www.masseur.net/

http://www.men4rentnow.com/

You’re all set: you bought a new video iPod, got it all charged up, and now you’re ready to stuff it with hot bukkake for that 10-hour trip to Tokyo. But wait — where’s all the video porn you were virtually guaranteed by your slutty geek AIM buddies? Maybe stillborn, according to Wired magazine. The print mag says that when it comes to portable porn, the makers and suppliers of sex flicks are scared of what regulators and parents might think of putting their stuff in kid-friendly formats. Since most parents wouldn’t know a click wheel from a dirty Sanchez, video producers say they’ll wait and see if the risks are worth the profits. “There’s already a public perception that we (in the industry) are preying on youth,” L.R. Clinton Feyling, a mobile-phone porn producer, told Wired. “Without safeguards you open yourself up to more scrutiny from government and parents’ groups.” He expects iPorn will get some pretty stiff safeguards like credit-card-verified ages of downloaders, copy protection and the biggest letdown, no freebies.

Visit: Wired News: No Porn for You, Video IPod!